And decided, maybe I should put these into words. To make sure I deliver it well. And for you to really know the factuality from my side.
Year ago, we were in a serious relationship. From close friends into two people who give marriage as a thought. I swear I was over the moon when it happened.
Long short, we were having problems with understanding each other and grew apart. You have your new commitment and I was thinking that maybe I am such a nuisance to you, while adapting the new environment of yours. One day we were fine, then the next day having the same issue (mainly me). Until one point, Im guessing both of us got drained and end it up.
Time passed by, and sometimes I was reasoning maybe we could end it more in a cool way or maybe we shouldn't even call it off from the first place. But to contradict, I was thinking that things might get even worse if we go on with the relationship.
And as for the truth, during this heartbreak season, you'd never slip away from my mind. Not a single day, like everything connects to you, but now in a hurtful way. I still remember blocking you from social media, thinking that might help me slowly putting an end to my distress, but sadly, its not working.
A year almost passed, our last-short-text was from May this year and your birthday is coming less than a month. And here I am contemplating whether to text you or not. Deep down, I was afraid that maybe this year, my wish is not something you wait for. Or maybe my inner self was telling me that you were already with someone new, and that would really hurt me in every way. (29/9/23)
* * * * *
2023 went fine I guess, tho the first part of the year, I was barely find my way. From the last draft of my blog, as expected, I dont have guts to wish your birthday. It just went that way. All I could say is, last year was hell of rollercoaster. Sometimes it gets easier, sometimes it gets worse. After the desolation, I pushed away almost everything, including new people. How can I accept new people when you are the solid reason for what I believed, people change, love fades. Anyway, that was the past. What I learned was neither of us are to be blamed. But yes both of us hurt each other. You have your own thoughts and so do I.
Going into 2024, I wish these writings reach you. Actually, there are things that haven't been said to you after the breakup. Just need you to know 1) thank you for being a good friend of mine for last few years 2) thank you for your honest feeling and acceptance of several versions of me 3) from the bottom of my heart, sorry for all my wrongdoings and mistakes. I know you still remember that day when I was angry at you for not looking at your phone while you were travelling with your colleagues. Or maybe when I was giving the idea of us calling more frequently. I think that was the start of everything. Or maybe there's more to it. I'm sorry . Haih I am such a burden la
4)to be honest, i'm still picking up the pieces from what we left in 2022 5) i know we texted few times after the breakup, but until now i dont know how to learn being friends again 6) i wont cut friendship with you, i just need more time but it wouldnt hurt to say hi if we meet unplanned :) 7) I hope you find the other half that console and bring calm to you throughout your life 8) please delete your 'little things' from your whatsApp bio, because it is one of the reasons for me to keep looking back, please:( 9) After you read these, please dont worry about me, I will be okay hehe lagipun nowadays, people creeps me out. I will take as much as I need to enjoy my solitude.
I guess this is me letting you go entirely. With no hard feelings left. See you when I see you ;) (26/1/24)
xoxo, from Orked.


















